The first time he held my hand, I felt a lightning bolt shoot straight through my arm. I couldn’t believe this handsome, funny, intelligent, different than all the other guys (in the most refreshing way possible) man had feelings for me. I was head over heels for him. I still am.
But life can totally and completely get in the way. When we fell in love with each other, we were working at a Kid’s camp as counselors. We had very few responsibilities. No pressures, no real work, no bills to pay, and the only tough decisions were how we were going to spend our weekends. Would we meet up at the Cheesecake Factory with our friends, or go to a movie.
Fast forward a decade to lots and LOTS of poopy diapers, too many bills to count, credit card debt, family issues, fighting children, messy bedrooms, having to work several jobs just to make it. It can feel oh so unromantic when you are in the thick of it. Being a skinny, flirty, happy-go-lucky, care-free 18 year old seemed like planets away. It’s so easy to become overwhelmed by it all, to be discouraged by the stretchmarks, to not feel pretty or romantic, to let all interest in sex or being sexy go by the wayside and let the romance fizzle out.
You may have given up. Your candle has been snuffed out. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s this…
Jesus is really good at bringing things back from the dead. It’s His specialty.
First of all: make a commitment. Time to lose the inhibitions, time to laugh and be joyful (in spite of your circumstances), to be content (with the body you have, the husband you have, the house you have, the situation you are in), time to make an effort to romance your husband and let him romance you.
The Biggest and Best Beauty Secret!
You can spend hundreds of dollars on the best makeup, the best facial serums, the hottest trends. But if you carry around a sour disposition, you wreck the whole package. What is free and your most gorgeous feature? Your smile. There have been times when I’ve caught myself in the mirror and realized that just by thinking about something negative or worrisome, it has made me look stern and haggard. Smile Ladies!!! Especially when your husband comes home from work. Especially when you greet him in the morning. Be happy to see him!
If the barn needs painting….
*Wise words that my mother taught me: If the barn needs painting..paint it. Or if the Lilly needs gilding.. gild it! There are top models who can pull off any look, including no makeup. But it is really hard to pull off that look when we’ve been up all night with a kiddo. It doesn’t take much, and I’m not asking you to start looking like an ULTA representative. But a little blush, eye shadow, mascara and my favorite hero the eyebrow pencil, make you look fresh and happy. Even if you’re feeling worn out.
*Some of us like being super comfortable. Comfortable shoes, comfortable clothing, comfortable…underwear. I am a huge proponent of being comfortable, but ladies… some of us need to update what we wear underneath. It doesn’t take much to get a new bra and panties and spruce things up so to speak.
*Find a new way to wear your hair, find out what colors look good for your skin color (I’m currently obsessed with dark purple) Wear some new perfume, find a cute pair of booties to wear with a pencil skirt and cozy sweater. Do whatever it takes, but sometimes we just need to hit the “Re-fresh” button on our look.
Is your bedroom a Sanctuary?
I recently gave my bedroom a makeover and it is so lovely to come into that room and just relax. It’s important to have your bedroom not be the “dumpzone”. Nix the laundry piles, paper and bill piles, shoe piles, dirty clothes pile. Whatever seems to be taking over your bedroom, get it out of there and make it a place of refuge for the two of you. Have nice smelling candles, clean surfaces, make it a romantic place that you both crave to be in.
Make an effort to be his best friend.
Date each other.. a lot! Put your phones down. Hold hands, be flirty, text him something romantic or a funny GIF that will stop his day and make him laugh or blush. Slap him in the butt when he walks by you. (yes, I just said that!) When he wants to show you the final play of the football game and the incredible pass that “so-and-so” made, watch it and enjoy it with him. Go to a concert he wants to hear, go fishing with him, surprise him with a date night in, go salsa dancing, sit with him while he changes the oil, come up behind him and give him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek, give him a back massage, tickle him, tell him a funny joke, grab him in the kitchen and dance with him, sing the lyrics to the song and look him in the eyes, give him a big whopping kiss when he leaves for work.
BE A FUN PERSON TO BE AROUND!
Don’t be unsexy
*Stop complaining about everything: things are what they are. Be at peace with it.
*Stop correcting and mothering him: have you ever been a part of a conversation where someone corrected the other person? “No it was Thursday, not Wednesday” “No it was Barbara who said that, I don’t think it was Sally.” “No, you’re wrong, I’m pretty sure it rained 5 inches, not 4”. WHO CARES??? Stop doing that! Bite your lip woman!
*Don’t be so consumed with not being in the mood that you destroy his. Pray and ask God to help you get past your walls, and let your husband romance you. Yes, you may have extra weight, stretchmarks, low energy, etc. But your husband thinks you are beautiful, so let him enjoy you.
Can you imagine how much good you can do for the entire world by making your marriage a great one, not just a good one? You are divorce-proofing your marriage, you are showing the world that marriage is a blessing, it is beautiful. You are instilling that in the hearts of your children as they see you. You are giving hope to the next generation who worry that marriage will only end in divorce. You are creating a lifelong friendship and marriage with the person God has chosen for you to become one with. So do it, have fun doing it, do it passionately and beautifully.